Negotiating the Never Minds
“Honey, can you, oh never mind.” Have you ever said that and decided to take it back, or have you been the one who only heard half that sentence? There are two perspectives, and I wonder whether we ever reflect on both sides of the story. First is the talker or the one who uses the “never mind,” and then the receiver.
The talker usually says something profound for them, critical with a sense of needing approval or attention. They may be sharing something that affected them or needs help but is afraid to ask for it. When people share something with another, there is a desire to be seen and heard. Asking for help can be challenging for people, even for simple tasks such as doing an errand. Often at some point, while talking, there is usually a strong feeling of distance, lack of connection, or overall disinterest. Because this feeling of insignificance is creeping in, the talker retreats and they back out of what they say for fear of being too needy or uninteresting. The internal dialogue jumps into quick repair mode and says, “Quick, back out of the conversation to save yourself!”
Then there is the receiver. These are the ones the talker hopes to engage and have them lean in to hear what they are asking/saying. The receiver’s role is to appear in words or body language interested in what is shared When the receiver seems aloof or disinterested the talker notices.
Confidence and security in relationships play a part in this dance. Connections are essential to quiet down insecurities that can happen at any stage of your relationship. Think about what role you may play if this happens in your relationship.
Melissa’s Monthly Tips
1. If you aren’t available to be fully present in a conversation, take a rain check
2. When someone is talking, give them encouragement that you care and listen.
3. Body language speaks very loudly- a nod, lean in, & use eye contact.
Instead of pleading because you hear a never mind, offer an apology for your actions that causes the retreat.
April 30, 2022
