Fair fighting
We spoke the other month about fighting fairly, is anyone still confused by that term? For some reason, the gold standard I repetitively hear is that couples should not fight. But why? Couples who don’t fight simply don’t invest in the relationship but rather acquis to their partners’ needs or wants. That doesn’t build the relationship but instead leads to resentment. We all have opinions that should be considered and heard, even if there is disagreement.
Fighting fairly is when you allow your partner to share their point of view without interruption. You listen, ask follow-up questions and lean in to learn more about their concern. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t get to mock, put down, or shame. Additionally, letting a partner simply have their way for a peaceful exchange, it not a healthy balance either. While I don’t suggest putting boxing gloves on to drive your point for every issue, I think swinging the pendulum towards passive can be just as damaging. Communication skills are essential in every relationship. To be good at communicating, you need to practice.
Melissa’s Monthly Tips
Breathe before you respond
Don’t start formulating your response until you hear entirely what your partner is saying.
Try reflective listening, “I heard you say….”
Don’t raise your voice to get your point across. Loudness often tunes people out rather than turning them in.
