Creative dating in a pandemic
One frequent question I ask couples in my practice is what is their dating habit. Often, they look at one another confused by the question and then respond, “What do you mean?” When I ask that question, I am interested in if they prioritize themselves as a couple and spend time alone having an adult conversation and doing adult activities. Many couples who have children, do not see themselves as a couple within their family. Instead, the couple has morphed into a family only. Why does this happen, and in what ways can the couple minimize this change?
One of the easiest ways to identify the couple again is to create a consistent date. It doesn’t have to be at night, nor does it have to eliminate the kids truly. Since the pandemic, many adults have found themselves working remotely, temporarily, or perhaps permanently, allowing people ample time to see their partner more regularly. In addition, all children are back to the school building now, leaving adults an empty house during the workday, which creates a perfect time for energy to have a lunch date or even a mid-day walk together. Couples can use lunchtime to refuel themselves and their relationship for the remaining part of the workday.
Additionally, weekend dates could happen, which gives parents freedom if they take the babysitter with them. Perhaps a teenage babysitter who doesn’t drive can take the kids to a park when you have a lunch date next door, or maybe all go to the zoo, where you can separate but be close by to enjoy the event alone. Inserting creativity allows for space and time for the couple to have conversations that fuel the connection, not just kids and family logistics. For those who don’t like the idea of utilizing outside help for childcare, you aren’t left out; allowing time either early morning or after the children’s bedtime to connect on an activity or perhaps sit outside away from household responsibilities allows for connection. Remember when you first met and the conversations you had? They were not about carpool or holiday drama; and they were about interests and dreams you had. Go back to your original joint interests and hobbies or create new ones.
Melissa’s Monthly Tips
Creativity is what you need if you want to have a date that requires a long drive, take the kids and the babysitter, and split up for part of the day.
Trade with a family. You take their kids for the day or night, and they take yours another time.
Reframe the time of day dates should happen; perhaps lunch or breakfast dates work better for your lifestyle
Date conversation should be a way to connect with your partner, not a time to manage home repairs or logistics. Tune into one another.
